As I look out from my front porch this morning, I’m thinking to myself…what do people really want to know? We are fed so much information these days with TV and radio and the Internet. But is it really stuff we want to know? Sure we care about what’s going on in Iraq and Japan, and we’re interested in what the President thinks, and we want to know if coffee is really bad for us and if our kids are really learning useful stuff in school.

I don’t know about you, but I want to know stuff that has a much deeper meaning than that.

I want to know how geese decide who leads when they fly in a V formation. I want to know what Big Foot does in his spare time. I want to know how much cash Warren Buffett has in his wallet at any given time. I want to know what baseball coaches are really saying to the umpire when they’re dancing around face to face on the field. I want to know if rich guys really worry about anything -in a human way. I want to know who would really want to sweat to the oldies with Richard Simmons.

I’ve been told and have read that for some women, when they say no,they actually mean yes. And when they say yes, they actually mean no. I’m not talking sex here, I’m talking in general. But for those women who adhere to that (when her no means yes and her yes means no) how is a guy supposed to know? We can barely remember to change our underwear everyday, let alone probe the truth of the deep thoughts of a woman.

I want to know if hillbillies still live in the hills of Kentucky and West Virginia and make moonshine. I want to know why people don’t send thank you notes anymore, or make homemade eggnog. I want to know if Lowly Worm’s ancestors came over on Noah’s Ark. I want to know why car makers don’t bring back curb feelers. I want to know what an angel really looks like and if they have wings. I want to know where folks in Bible times went to the bathroom. Not too many details, but just enough to know. I want to know what the queen reads while on the throne, or does she hire someone to go to the bathroom for her.

I want to know what is being done to repeal the ban on lawn darts. When lawn darts are outlawed, only outlaws will have lawn darts. (I will come clean right now;I have one of the last set of lawn darts ever made. My family feels so much safer and protected because now if I meet a burglar in the hallway in the middle of the night, I can say to him, "I should warn you, I have lawn darts and I know how to use them.")

I want to know if there really IS an ozone layer, and what was in the gym bag that OJ took to Chicago. I want to know if my mom and dad felt pain when they died. I want to know who THEY are.

But maybe the most telling information I’m after is about me. How do I feel today? Am I making progress towards building self-discipline? How am I doing as a father and a husband and a grandfather? How am I doing as a friend or neighbor? Am I coveting my neighbor's wife? Or just helping her with the yard work? Am I giving my kids the freedom with limits that will allow them to become independent some day? Am I sneaking real butter when no one is looking? How does my wife feel about that little strip of molding behind the door that I forgot to finish, and no one can see except her?

I’m all for information, but in addition to what other people want me to know, I need to search out information that completes my life.

So many questions. So little time.