So - You need someone spiritual to say a prayer for your business lunch. Where do you go? RENT-A-CHRISTIAN! You need to plant an audience with some moral, fine, upstanding types to ask some tough questions. Where do you go? RENT-A-CHRISTIAN! You need someone to do some picketing for moral causes. Where do you go? RENT-A-CHRISTIAN! That's right! Rent-A-Christian will provide you with any type of Christian you need. Evangelicals, Pentecostals, Episcopalian, Methodist, Baptist - even a few Presbyterians (if you can live with them always wearing a tie and robe). We have them all. From little old ladies with buns to 'sold out to Jesus' rock and roll souls. We have Christians who don't laugh, yuppie Christians in their clean BMW's with 'honk if you love Jesus' bumper stickers, Neat Christian Guys, Neat Christian Gals and more. We have regular Christian people, Christians with lots of kids, Christians with no kids, Christian truck drivers, plumbers, doctors and even one Christian lawyer. We have Christian waitresses, accountants, teachers, hair stylists, Fred the barber, engineers, 3 scientists and 1 politician. We art fast and dependable. For a small fee, our Rent-A-Christian head sheet will be sent to your home in a plain brown wrapper so you can pick the 'look' and 'talents' you want. Sorry, we don't handle people who do the 'lasts-for-10-minutes' healing or those who wear wigs. And no holy laughing, holy clapping, holy spitting or holy baking. WARNING: If you're a cultist or Satanist or atheist who thinks it would be a fun time to rent some Christians and have them over to your next coven meeting, I can't guarantee that YOU'LL be the same. The risk is yours - not ours. So give us a try. Rent-A-Christian. We're in the book.

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