Dear
Bob,
What
happens when an African guy speaks in tongues? Does he speak in English
or French or Spanish?
Signed, Tongue Tied
Dear
Tongue Tied,
What a great question - and what a coincidence - this is the only
place you'll find a straight answer to that question.
The
answer is - maybe and maybe not.
If
you happen to be African - and you happen to speak in tongues - and
you happen to speak in English, then you know it's from God. If you're
African and you begin speaking Arabic or Spanish - you know that Satan
is just playing around with you.
Or
it could be something you ate.
Dear
Bob,
Are these the end times? I need to know because I want to run up
my credit card bills if we're close.
Signed, Maxed
Dear
Maxed,
Well,
Maxed, do you want the real truth or just the current thinking? Current
thinking has many people believing that we are indeed in the end times.
But the truth is - well - I don't know. And those who think they know
- don't know. Even Jesus didn't know. Paul was expecting Christ's
return during his lifetime. Didn't happen. Nope, Jesus has not come
back yet - well, except when He was here visiting the Mormons in the
early 1900's. Funny no one saw Him then. So don't max your credit
cards out yet - unless the antichrist gets thawed.
(See Rebel Flock Predictions For
The Year 2000)
Dear
Bob,
Why
do we close our eyes when we pray? Is there anything in the Bible
about that?
Signed, Can't See A Thing
Dear
Can't,
We
close our eyes so we don't make eye contact with our friends and start
laughing when the preacher is praying. Didn't you ever go to Sunday
School?
Dear
Bob,
Is it OK to clap to the songs in church?
Signed, Out of Tune
Dear
Out of Tune,
I've
actually changed my thinking on this in the past few years. The Bible
isn't totally clear. There are good people on both sides of the fence
on this one. But I think it's OK to clap, as long as you don't wake
the person next to you.
Dear
Bob,
Is Elvis really
dead? Or is he just pretending?
Signed, Lonely Tonight
Dear
Lonely,
No,
he's not dead. He's living in a little cabin on Whidbey Island, Washington.
It's his aunts' old place. He has a 10' satellite dish, a donut shop
up the street, and I'm in contact with him via e-mail all the time.
I can't, of course, give out his e-mail address...not just yet. But
stay tuned later this year - you won't believe what's going to happen.
Dear
Bob,
I
love to watch Jan and Paul on TBN. What color is Jan's real hair,
and how many wigs does she have?
Signed,Tammy
Dear
Tammy,
Jan
has about 50 wigs of various shades of pink, purple, lavender and
rose. Her real hair is sort of brownish blonde with a natural curl.
Looks kind of like a wet poodle. Not a pretty sight. She's no Dolly
Parton.
Isn't
it curious that neither the National Enquirer or the Globe newspaper
has published any pictures of Jan or Dolly without their hair on.
Interesting coincidence? I don't think so.
Dear
Bob,
I
have Attention Deficit Syndrome. It's a situation where I lose - wow,
what a sunset - l lose my keys and my mind at the same time. Say,
let's go to a movie. I'll bet it's fun to drive a tractor. Where's
mom? Time to change my oil. Why do people look at me that way? I'm
not sure, but I think the FBI knows where I am.
Signed, A.D.Dazed.
Dear
A.D.Dazed,
Here's
the drill. I'd use the 1/4" if I were you, and don't - whatever
you do- go swimming right after you eat. And not only that, the hot
dogs aren't really that great, but it's late. Better than never I
always say. And just who says that the C chord is really a C chord?
And what about the UFO thing - could it be real? Can I trust you?
I'm all shook up since I saw Elvis last week. He looks well, though.
No haven't heard from them in a while - I think they're camping. Better
get going. Nice talking to you.
Dear
Bob,
Where
are dead people - really?
Signed,
Pine Box Sally
Dear
Pine,
Well, Sally, some people are buried in the ground. Some people get
cremated. Some are put on big cots above the ground. Some get stuck
out in the desert. Some get buried at sea. There are lots of places
you'll find dead people.
Dear
Bob,
What
happens when a Jehovah's Witness calls on a Mormon home, and vice
versa? Do they say, "Oh…sorry…I didn't know," and leave right away?
What's the proper protocol?
Signed,
In the middle
Dear
Middle,
Jehovah's
Witnesses and Mormon's both have this sixth-sense of where they
all live. But Mormons really DO think that the JW's are a cult,
and the Witnesses think that Mormons are great people, but they'll
never make it to the 144,000. It's like calling a dog a woofer (or
something like that) even though the Mormons are the better dressers.
Dear
Bob,
Settle
a bet, will you? Could a human really be raised by wolves? I say
they can't. My friend Edmund thinks they can. What's the real answer?
Signed,
Hungry
Dear
Hungry,
While
the Bible isn't entirely clear on this point, I think it's possible
if certain factors were present. First, the baby wolves have to
take a liking to the human baby. Second, the mom wolf can't be hungry
when they find the baby. And third, the dad wolf has to be away
at Little Red's place. Given all those factors, yes, a person could
be raised by wolves. Biggest problem would be finding a good school.
