Yes, folks, the rapture may be here any day now. And in case you're brushing your teeth when IT happens, here are some tips to think about so you'll be better prepared. 1. No pushing or shoving. All true believers will get there - so take your time. 2. No heavy trunks allowed, and no birdcages. 3. You're only going to have a split second to think, so always keep your wallet with you. You'll need ID. 4. Your young kids will be coming right along with you, so don't worry. If they're at school, just call their names when you're a few feet off the ground and they'll automatically be by your side on the way up. 5. Remember WHO'S running the show. 6. Might want to leave a list for those people who will be looting and pillaging your house after the rapture. They'll need to know how you prefer things - when the garbage man comes,what to feed the cats, where you keep the cookie jar, names of unsaved relatives to notify, etc..etc. 7. It would be a good idea to have a book or tracts about the rapture in a glass case. Put some sort of sign on it saying - IN CASE OF RAPTURE, BREAK GLASS. 8. If you're driving at the time of the rapture, don't try to stop or pull over. During that time all cars and trucks and even combines will become like bumper cars with the power off. And for goodness sakes, always drive with the window open. There has to be a way for the Lord to get you out of there! 9. Don't panic. Be an example for your neighbors who will be talking about this day for years to come. You need to leave the impression that - "he was cool, even during the rapture." 10. SEE YOU THERE! POTLUCK AT 8.

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