Dear
Bob,
What
happens when an African guy speaks in tongues? Does he speak in English
or French or Spanish?
Signed, Tongue Tied
Dear
Tongue Tied,
What a great question, and what a coincidence; this is the only place
you'll find a straight answer to that question. The
answer is maybe and maybe not.
If
you happen to be African and you happen to speak in tongues and you
happen to speak in English, then there's a chance it could be from
God. If you're African and you begin speaking Arabic or Spanish, you
know that Satan is just playing around. Or
it could be something you ate.
Dear
Bob,
Are these the end times? I need to know because I want to run
up my credit card bills if we're close to the end.
Signed, Maxed
Dear
Maxed,
Well,
Maxed, do you want the real truth or just the current thinking? Current
thinking has many people believing that we are indeed in the end times.
But the truth is, well, I don't know. And those who think they know
don't know. Even Jesus didn't know. Paul was expecting Christ's return
during his lifetime. Didn't happen. Nope, Jesus has not come back
yet, except maybe that time when He was here visiting the Mormons
in the early 1900's. Funny how no one saw Him then except a drunk
guy named Joe. Personally, I wouldn't max your credit cards out yet
unless the antichrist gets thawed.
(See Rebel Flock Predictions For
The Year 2002)
Dear
Bob,
Why
do we close our eyes when we pray? Is there anything in the Bible
about that?
Signed, Can't See A Thing
Dear
Can't,
We
close our eyes so we don't make eye contact with our friends and start
laughing when the preacher is praying. Didn't you ever go to Sunday
School?
Dear
Bob,
What
happens when a Jehovah's Witness calls on a Mormon home, and vice
versa? Do they say, "Oh…sorry…I didn't know," and leave right away?
What's the proper protocol?
Signed,
In the middle
Dear
Middle,
Jehovah's
Witnesses and Mormon's both have this sixth-sense of where they
all live. But Mormons really DO think that the JW's are a cult,
and the Witnesses think that Mormons are great people, but they'll
never make it in the 144,000. It's like calling a dog a woofer (or
something like that) even though the Mormons are the better dressers.
Dear
Bob,
Settle
a bet, will you? Could a human really be raised by wolves? I say
they can't. My friend Norman thinks they can. What's the real answer?
Signed,
Hungry
Dear
Hungry,
While
the Bible isn't entirely clear on this point, I think it's possible
if certain factors were present. First, the baby wolves have to
take a liking to the human baby. Second, the mom wolf can't be hungry
when they find the baby. And third, the dad wolf has to be away
at Little Red's place. Given all those factors, yes, a person could
be raised by wolves. Biggest problem would be finding a good school.
Dear
Bob,
Can
you shed any light on the history of belts?
Signed,
All Bound Up
Dear
All Bound,
Scholars
may laugh but this is one of the reasons teenagers often struggle
with life. Even back in Bible times, people under the age of 14
had to wear a belt (beltesus in Greek). It was the LAW. All the
kids had to look just like everyone else.
Of
course, maybe I think that because my belt is too tight.
Dear
Bob,
Why
does the break in the time-line between BC and AD come 5 years before
Christ was actually born?
Signed,
Time Warped
Dear
Time,
I
don't know. And no one else knows for sure. Oh, people will tell
you that they know, and even write a book saying they know. But
they don't. And we know it. They think they know when they really
don't. I think we know now that they didn't know then or now what
they think they know now when they really never knew. Got it?
Dear
Bob,
Who
are they?
Signed,
Them
Dear
Them,
They
are you. You are them. Them are you. We are they. They are. You
are. I are. Are they? Yes they are.
Dear
Bob,
Is
it OK to clap in church?
Signed,
The Clapper
Dear
Clapper,
I've
actually changed my thinking on this in the past few years. There
are good people on both sides of the fence on this one. But I think
it's OK to clap in church, as long as you don't wake the person
next to you.
Dear
Bob,
Is
Elvis really dead? Or is he just pretending?
Signed,
Lonely Tonight
Dear
Lonely,
No,
he's not dead. He's living in a little cabin on Whidbey Island,
Washington. It's his aunts' old place. He has a 10' satellite dish,
a donut shop up the street, and I'm in contact with him via e-mail
all the time. I can't of course, give out his e-mail address - at
least not just yet. But stay tuned until the year 2008. You won't
believe what's going to happen.
Dear
Bob,
I
love to watch Jan and Paul Crouch on TBN. What color is Jan's real
hair, and how many wigs does she have?
Signed,Tammy
Dear
Tammy,
Jan
has about 50 wigs of various shades of pink, purple, lavender and
rose. Her real hair is sort of brownish blonde with a natural curl,
similar to a wet poodle. It's not a pretty sight. She's no Dolly
Parton, but isn't it curious that neither the National Enquirer
or the Globe newspapers have published any pictures of Jan or Dolly
without their hair on. Interesting coincidence? I think it's much
deeper than we know.
Dear
Bob,
I
have Attention Deficit Syndrome. It's a situation where I lose -
wow, what a sunset - l lose my keys and my mind at the same time.
Say, let's go to a movie. I'll bet it's fun to drive a tractor.
Where's mom? Time to change my oil. Why do people look at me that
way? I'm not sure, but I think the FBI knows where I am.
Signed,
A.D.Dazed.
Dear
A.D.Dazed,
Here's
the drill. I'd use the 1/4" if I were you, and don't, whatever
you do, go swimming right after you eat. And not only that the hot
dogs aren't really that great, but it's late. Better than never
I always say. And how do we know the C chord is REALLY a C chord?
And what about the UFO thing? Could they be real? But can I trust
you? I'm all shook up since I saw Elvis last week. He looks well,
though. No haven't heard from them in a while; I think they're camping.
Better get going. Nice talking to you. What was your name again?
Dear
Bob,
Where
are dead people - really?
Signed,
Pine Box Sally
Dear
Pine,
Well,
Sally, some people are buried in the ground. Some people get cremated.
Some are put on big cots above the ground. Some get stuck out in
the desert. Some get buried at sea. There are lots of places you'll
find dead people.